I never call it a day unless I narrate my previous night’s dream to Doi. She is always as excited as me while listening to my dreams. Being called the ‘dreamy gal’ I would just live my life dreaming like I had all the time in the world to waste!
You might find it strange but, dreaming has been one of my passions. Every night I pray that I get to dream irrespective of the dream being a dream or turning out to be a nightmare. There is a sense of satisfaction when you wake up the next morning and remember what you dreamt. There are times when I wake up to find myself laughing, sometimes scared and sometimes even howling! Dream theme ranges from derring-do types to the most obvious in my case, being chased by someone.
While studying about human personalities in my Psychology class, I wondered why were psychologists earlier so fond of gauging personalities through interpretation of dreams. But I found of late that dreaming HAS got at least microscopic connection with reality. When I myself have started to see the connection, the psychologists would not have found it difficult to bring up or make the connection. A 'real' and an ‘accurate’ as they called it.
The dreaming process does not end there. It is complete when I narrate it to Doi and interpret it in our own way. Occasionally she takes over as the analyst, and at other times I download e-books on dreams and searching for interpretation of the key words.
And for the dream lovers out there,start dreaming and feel the aura. Happy dreaming! :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
As spoonerism becomes a lart of our pingo!
Stepping into the college with some kinda fear, smiling faintly at the person sitting next to you, slowly the smiles turn into ‘hi’, then comes forming a group, hugging for no reasons, laughing for no reasons, getting caught for using cell phones in class, thrown out by the lecturer for “distracting” the class were all part of the college life. And now after the 3 years of my college life it’s time for me to hug them n smile with the tearful eyes to bid farewell wishing the lest of buck.
My days have never been good without the company of the loveliest of my friends. Each one is fuch a sreak! Having endless stories attached to each one that I could start a blog on each freak :P! There have been days when I felt low and went to college to moosen up my lind just to watch them act the way they usually do! ;)
Last few months of college have been rocking! It was the beginning of the neologism era(where I found out that neologisms are not confined to schizophrenics alone but to bunch of weirdos like us as well), the sketches, odes, blogs, doism, love poetry, ‘separation poetry’ ;), hate poetry, ‘dloves’, spoonerisms and what not! And some inconceivable days when nit has worn salwar to college or when she has had veg food at Mc D or situations when doi has forgotten to get her compact or gloss!
Okay... now coming to the spoonerism part of it, one of the modern ways we opted for entertainment. And i have no idea as to how it has turned out to be a main ingredient in our speech these days. Each one of us sounds just as cute as an infant. Sweet chariot turns out to be chweet sariot! Let’s put a smile on that face becomes let’s put a file on that smace, and the innumerable names which has undergone the torture. ;)
But I swear! Things wouldn’t turn out to be so much fun without us being spooners :P
Sproud to be a pooner ;) spoonering with you guys has been great!! Bind Mlowing I must say ;)
My days have never been good without the company of the loveliest of my friends. Each one is fuch a sreak! Having endless stories attached to each one that I could start a blog on each freak :P! There have been days when I felt low and went to college to moosen up my lind just to watch them act the way they usually do! ;)
Last few months of college have been rocking! It was the beginning of the neologism era(where I found out that neologisms are not confined to schizophrenics alone but to bunch of weirdos like us as well), the sketches, odes, blogs, doism, love poetry, ‘separation poetry’ ;), hate poetry, ‘dloves’, spoonerisms and what not! And some inconceivable days when nit has worn salwar to college or when she has had veg food at Mc D or situations when doi has forgotten to get her compact or gloss!
Okay... now coming to the spoonerism part of it, one of the modern ways we opted for entertainment. And i have no idea as to how it has turned out to be a main ingredient in our speech these days. Each one of us sounds just as cute as an infant. Sweet chariot turns out to be chweet sariot! Let’s put a smile on that face becomes let’s put a file on that smace, and the innumerable names which has undergone the torture. ;)
But I swear! Things wouldn’t turn out to be so much fun without us being spooners :P
Sproud to be a pooner ;) spoonering with you guys has been great!! Bind Mlowing I must say ;)
Note!
Being a student of Journalism(once upon a time!), I was rather expected to write more posts and sensible ones too. Thought I would manage two blogs. One for 'Just-like-that'posts and the other for 'non-just-like-that' posts. Well I hardly could go beyond ten posts including both the blogs(shame on me! :P ) and that is why I decided to merge the blogs. The 'just like that' blog gets deleted today.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Epitome of joblessness
It’s been almost three months since I finished my last exam. I sit at home and do nothing but time pass. I watch TV, I sleep, I come online every 5 mins to check mail which I am sure of not receive in that short span. You might envy me of being so free, so relaxed. But it’s the most unpleasant thing which can happen to you. It’s like being caught and sent to Federal de Sona :P You don’t know what Sona is? Its high time you watch prison break!
Ah prison break reminds me of Scofield. He’s the handsomestest creature I have seen. And certainly next on the list is Mr.Pilot :D
If u know me, you know it well that its likely to change :P For those who didn’t get that, ignore that last sentence.
I have stopped feeling awful for not being active and putting on weight. I am just as dead as the calendar. I don’t mean to say that I know of my knowledge, what there is particularly dead about the calendar. I might have inclined, myself, to regard the calendar as the deadest thing in my room. Its June already (June right? :-/) and the calendar, I would say, ‘died’ in the month of February itself. So you will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that I am as dead as the calendar.
Apart from the travelling I did, which was like for a few days, I have done nothing in these two months. But I would like to say that during those few days I wasn’t a wimp but really did enjoy visiting great places. You say I wasn’t really dead and shouldn’t compare myself with the calendar? Come on! The calendar has continued to exist for two months whatsoever :P
Few of the questions which has puzzled me are
1.Why doesn't mum wake me up early in the morning?
2.Why doesn’t dad ask me to ‘be creative’ and ‘do something’?
It hurts! It hurts very much when people start to not tell you things which you don’t like. but certainly better than the usual mum and dad’s lecture saga :P
Am I making any sense at all? I hope your answer is no. Otherwise I will know how jobless you are and like me, as dead as the calendar on my wall.
I was clear enough in the title itself and don’t dare blame me for writing the worst piece of blog writing ever. :D
Ah prison break reminds me of Scofield. He’s the handsomestest creature I have seen. And certainly next on the list is Mr.Pilot :D
If u know me, you know it well that its likely to change :P For those who didn’t get that, ignore that last sentence.
I have stopped feeling awful for not being active and putting on weight. I am just as dead as the calendar. I don’t mean to say that I know of my knowledge, what there is particularly dead about the calendar. I might have inclined, myself, to regard the calendar as the deadest thing in my room. Its June already (June right? :-/) and the calendar, I would say, ‘died’ in the month of February itself. So you will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that I am as dead as the calendar.
Apart from the travelling I did, which was like for a few days, I have done nothing in these two months. But I would like to say that during those few days I wasn’t a wimp but really did enjoy visiting great places. You say I wasn’t really dead and shouldn’t compare myself with the calendar? Come on! The calendar has continued to exist for two months whatsoever :P
Few of the questions which has puzzled me are
1.Why doesn't mum wake me up early in the morning?
2.Why doesn’t dad ask me to ‘be creative’ and ‘do something’?
It hurts! It hurts very much when people start to not tell you things which you don’t like. but certainly better than the usual mum and dad’s lecture saga :P
Am I making any sense at all? I hope your answer is no. Otherwise I will know how jobless you are and like me, as dead as the calendar on my wall.
I was clear enough in the title itself and don’t dare blame me for writing the worst piece of blog writing ever. :D
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
the language
It lies in me,
That which I speak
the language where I find serenity.
It talks,
not in words,
It says something I desire to hear.
It is the only way I can tell
how much I love you.
the only way I can
let my heart speak to you
yes! It is the only way
It is the Silence
I speak!
-Amrita
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Gulabi Talkies
Would you ever fall in love with a movie without watching it? I just did! I happened to watch a last few minutes of the movie Gulabi talkies and I am just not able to let go off my mind, that particular scene I watched. Gulabi Talkies, a Kannada movie by Girish Kasarvalli. I had no clue what the movie was about, until I Googled it!
This movie is basically about a woman, Gulnabi. Her name eventually becomes Gulabi because of the idiomatic use. That reminds me of one thing-something not related to this-I remember my dad talk about a lady whose name was Anne and the people of the village who were not so familiar with the Christian names called her Aane which means elephant in Kannada:-P. I started watching the movie when the woman (Gulabi) is been thrown out of her house along with her stuffs. She is too rigid and firm with her decision not to move out of her place but is thrown out unavoidably. All her things are thrown out except her television set. Owning a TV in such a village by such a woman seemed quite atypical to me. The scene which most amazed me was where two old women, after Gulabi leaves, get to her hut and start watching the TV. Best part is when the viewer gets to see that they are enjoying watching TV without even switching it on! At first, it didn't make any sense to me. I asked my mum, who had watched the whole movie, to give an explanation of the story or rather that particular scene. Gulabi being a woman of a lower class Muslim family is not really treated 'well' by a few of the upper caste people in the village. Gulabi is a woman very much interested in cinema and visits talkies very often. When she is somehow deprived of that, she gets a television to her hut and a cable connection too. Most people from the upper caste do not step into her hut because of the class difference but still are eager to watch the TV as it is something very rare and new. A few are found to be watching it from outside. The two old women I mentioned earlier are quite orthodox and do not welcome the idea of stepping into Gulabi's hut. At the end of the movie, after Gulabi is thrown out, the two old women visit her hut, as they no longer are obligated by their religious conventions. They do not have the least idea about what the television is actually meant for, neither do they know how to switch it on rather they are not aware of the fact that the TV can actually be switched on! That scene... I just can't get it off my mind. Very good design of the scene, beautifully picturised, cute old women, the expressions given by them...i just love everything about that scene. I had the "AH!"expression when I saw that scene. I still AH! When I think of it! I would like to appreciate the director for giving such a beautiful ending! It certainly is one of the best movies I have liked without having watched.
Monday, March 23, 2009
for you...
Things have not changed
Everything seems the same.
Your memories bring pleasure
So does the pain
I write these lines for you
Just writing as they flow..
Sleeping under this dark sky
Thinking about the days which passed by
I have loved you..
Or may be i have not!
I don't know what love is
I was never taught.
I write these lines for you
Just writing as they flow.
As i write these lines, my heart bleeds..
The heart which was meant for love and love alone
-Amrita
Everything seems the same.
Your memories bring pleasure
So does the pain
I write these lines for you
Just writing as they flow..
Sleeping under this dark sky
Thinking about the days which passed by
I have loved you..
Or may be i have not!
I don't know what love is
I was never taught.
I write these lines for you
Just writing as they flow.
As i write these lines, my heart bleeds..
The heart which was meant for love and love alone
-Amrita
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Fun stay... far away
Year 2008 has been my year of extensive travel, specially the last three months of the year. Starting from the Mysore trip with a few of my friends followed by my visit to Sirsi, and then a college ‘Industrial trip’ to Hyderabad and ultimately my Bhopal trip.
I would have shared my experience about all my trips but I will share my experiences of the Bhopal one as it is the most recent one and the images are still fresh. Though I had been there for music purpose, I call it a trip because I dedicated just an hour or two for music and the rest for roaming and visiting places.
I had been informed that it would be a 30 hour journey on train. Thought my co passengers, magazines, music player, and my dad’s PJs would keep me entertained till I reach Bhopal. The first two options did not work out. The rest did entertain me for a while but come on!! Who would listen to the same music and my dad’s “was-that-a-joke?”genre of ‘jokes’ for 30 long hours!? I reached Bhopal with a sickening boredom. And sleep! And hunger! I was on train! Could not have the lunch and dinner I was given on train neither could I eat other “unhygienic” food as it could mess up my voice. :(
It was midnight when we reached Bhopal. It was 11.40 when I noticed a couple of good looking guys in my compartment ;) it was too late to strike a conversation, so chucked the idea.
Being tricked by the rickshaw drivers, we reached our hotel room in 15minutes from the station which otherwise could have been reached within 2minutes from the railway station. Deadly tired was I that I remember stepping into the room and the next thing I remember is the next morning.
We set out on our explore Bhopal mission after eating the yummy Paratha dahi at the hotel. Bhopal failed to impress me. The roads were filthy, there were no traffic signals, traffic rules were not followed, vehicles bumping to one another every second, (Bangalore is heaven! Trust me!)and the strangest thing I noticed is the Mehendification! EACH Bhopali irrespective of his age or appearance or whatever, compulsorily had his hair coloured! I could not find out the reason though! Another aspect of Bhopal which interested me was that I could see pure Hindi everywhere. Names of the shops were only in Hindi. Pure Hindi.“Videshi madira” shop was one of my favourites! ;)
The best part of the whole trip was the visit to Indira Gandhi Manav Sangrahalay guided by Salim Bhai. That was the place where I was supposed to sing. Situated on the Shamla hills, it was one of the cleanest and a very peaceful places in Bhopal. We found replicas of tribal huts made. I had a good time visiting each of those. A part of the site gave its visitors information on how the human race began and stuff. Salim bhai also took us to places around. We went to the upper lake, Jain temple for which we had to go on a rope way and then to the old market for shopping. Old market is a street where one can shop the girly stuffs. I did not shop much as I found nothing so appealing.
We got ready to visit the famous Sanchi Stupa the next day. We decided to travel by a local transport. Walked till the bus stop and saw a series of spangly decorated buses going to different destinations. We got into one of those funny looking buses which was to take us till sanchi. Honking without a nano second gap is as essential for Bhopal drivers as hair colouring is to the people there! It was a fun ride though. Music did not give me much company that day. I preferred to look out through the window. Saw nothing but barren land. Sanchi turned out to be an interesting place of visit. Climbed up the hill and reached the place where we found stupas built by Emperor Asoka. At Sanchi, we not only saw beautiful stupas but ate the yummiest guavas on earth!
3 days at Bhopal was a good experience though not the best of all my trips. Only thing which bothered me was food! I was bored to tears eating the same paratha dahi, roti sabji and stuffs, we planned to visit a good place where we could eat dosas and idlis. We were taken to Manohar sweets which was apparently a very well-known eat out in Bhopal. Desirous of south Indian food, both I and dad had a biiiiiig smile on our faces looking at the menu. We finally got to savour Dosa and Idli after 5 long days!
I was already home sick. Home food sick rather! The food served in train was horrible. I could no longer stand the sight of it. I had got a few Kachoris from the famous Manohar sweets on which I survived my whole journey and of course the Bhel, moomphali and Vada Pav always fascinated me ;)
Hmmm that was about my trip to Bhopal. Was happy to see Karnataka, happy to be back home :)
I would have shared my experience about all my trips but I will share my experiences of the Bhopal one as it is the most recent one and the images are still fresh. Though I had been there for music purpose, I call it a trip because I dedicated just an hour or two for music and the rest for roaming and visiting places.
I had been informed that it would be a 30 hour journey on train. Thought my co passengers, magazines, music player, and my dad’s PJs would keep me entertained till I reach Bhopal. The first two options did not work out. The rest did entertain me for a while but come on!! Who would listen to the same music and my dad’s “was-that-a-joke?”genre of ‘jokes’ for 30 long hours!? I reached Bhopal with a sickening boredom. And sleep! And hunger! I was on train! Could not have the lunch and dinner I was given on train neither could I eat other “unhygienic” food as it could mess up my voice. :(
It was midnight when we reached Bhopal. It was 11.40 when I noticed a couple of good looking guys in my compartment ;) it was too late to strike a conversation, so chucked the idea.
Being tricked by the rickshaw drivers, we reached our hotel room in 15minutes from the station which otherwise could have been reached within 2minutes from the railway station. Deadly tired was I that I remember stepping into the room and the next thing I remember is the next morning.
We set out on our explore Bhopal mission after eating the yummy Paratha dahi at the hotel. Bhopal failed to impress me. The roads were filthy, there were no traffic signals, traffic rules were not followed, vehicles bumping to one another every second, (Bangalore is heaven! Trust me!)and the strangest thing I noticed is the Mehendification! EACH Bhopali irrespective of his age or appearance or whatever, compulsorily had his hair coloured! I could not find out the reason though! Another aspect of Bhopal which interested me was that I could see pure Hindi everywhere. Names of the shops were only in Hindi. Pure Hindi.“Videshi madira” shop was one of my favourites! ;)
The best part of the whole trip was the visit to Indira Gandhi Manav Sangrahalay guided by Salim Bhai. That was the place where I was supposed to sing. Situated on the Shamla hills, it was one of the cleanest and a very peaceful places in Bhopal. We found replicas of tribal huts made. I had a good time visiting each of those. A part of the site gave its visitors information on how the human race began and stuff. Salim bhai also took us to places around. We went to the upper lake, Jain temple for which we had to go on a rope way and then to the old market for shopping. Old market is a street where one can shop the girly stuffs. I did not shop much as I found nothing so appealing.
We got ready to visit the famous Sanchi Stupa the next day. We decided to travel by a local transport. Walked till the bus stop and saw a series of spangly decorated buses going to different destinations. We got into one of those funny looking buses which was to take us till sanchi. Honking without a nano second gap is as essential for Bhopal drivers as hair colouring is to the people there! It was a fun ride though. Music did not give me much company that day. I preferred to look out through the window. Saw nothing but barren land. Sanchi turned out to be an interesting place of visit. Climbed up the hill and reached the place where we found stupas built by Emperor Asoka. At Sanchi, we not only saw beautiful stupas but ate the yummiest guavas on earth!
3 days at Bhopal was a good experience though not the best of all my trips. Only thing which bothered me was food! I was bored to tears eating the same paratha dahi, roti sabji and stuffs, we planned to visit a good place where we could eat dosas and idlis. We were taken to Manohar sweets which was apparently a very well-known eat out in Bhopal. Desirous of south Indian food, both I and dad had a biiiiiig smile on our faces looking at the menu. We finally got to savour Dosa and Idli after 5 long days!
I was already home sick. Home food sick rather! The food served in train was horrible. I could no longer stand the sight of it. I had got a few Kachoris from the famous Manohar sweets on which I survived my whole journey and of course the Bhel, moomphali and Vada Pav always fascinated me ;)
Hmmm that was about my trip to Bhopal. Was happy to see Karnataka, happy to be back home :)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
the little i know of Music
I remember my early days (as early as my 5th or 6th year) when I used to tie a rubber band to the handle of a dressing table stringing with a hair clip! I loved the sound it made. That was my favourite pass time when others of my age played with their Barbie dolls. I did it for fun or may be the genetic material of music in me made me feel good by doing this.
My folks were astonished to see me so deeply attracted to music. They asked me if I would like to learn music. The hyper-excited-little-me said yes that very moment. I was given formal training in classical music. It was then that I understood that I should used rubber bands for whatever purpose they are made for and not make strings out of those generating music and amuse my parents! Yes... Music was not my cup of tea!
I had no other option than to attend my music classes. There was no way out. I could not tell my parents I was not interested anymore. Classical music bored me. I slept while the classes were going on. Played with pen tops, the wires, the carpet and what not! I often dozed watching the favourite television program of all music lovers, the then highly popular TVS SA RE GA MA. I dozed at concerts. Nobody knew the truth. I hated music!
I was in my 4th grade when we had to shift to a new house. Worst part was that I had to change my school as well. And guess how my interview went! I had no written test or no grammar quiz or an interview to test my intelligence. Instead, I was asked to sing! Yeah, That’s right. I was asked to SING at the interview. Well, I got selected in it and got my admission done at the new school. I was recognised at school for singing or “singing girl” as one of my teachers called me!
I was asked to sing whenever and wherever. Wow man! I was the hot favourite at my school. Every student knew me. I got used to singing at school every alternate day for any occasion that took place. My schoolmates got used to hear me repeat the two songs (only two songs mind you ;)) and believe me whenever I went up the stage, I heard my friends sing the song along with me. I loved the recognition I got at school. I got to see many places like AIR, DOORDARSHAN etc. where I couldn’t have if I could not sing. At that age at least!
I could no longer doze off at concerts. I had grown up. To uphold my solemnity I held back my sleep. I pretended to be genuinely interested in listening to the artistes.
I remember my music mentor at school who used to ask me to stay back for the practise sessions. I always hated staying back after school hours especially for music practise. Only for the reason that I had not given a formal interview and had just sung, I had to stay back for those practise sessions, after school hours! Auuughhhh!
Hmmm… and that’s how my life passed. Singing all the way until I passed out of school.
I hated every subject at school, especially Math and Science. Or rather it was a teacher who made me hate it :P well, thats a different story.
As I completed my schooling, I had to choose a course for my pre university. It was my ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’ stage. I detested math and science and the best way to do away with it was plump for Arts. Music came to my rescue then. I told my parents that, as I am interested in music, it would not be helpful if I did opt for courses which require dedication, interest, hard work and things and thus would be taking up arts which in turn will help me go on with my idea of a career in music. I thought it would be difficult to persuade my ‘I-want-my-daughter-to-be-an-engineer’ mom. But it wasn’t difficult at all. Life was going great! Until I found out that taking up arts wasn’t really working out for me. This required as much interest and hard work as for any other course. By then I was being trained in music by my present guru. Austere, dedicated, enthusiastic, no compromise with riyaz all these give you a vague picture of my guru ;) So that concludes that I could no longer take music lightly. If I did, I had to face the calamitous consequences! But let me tell u, He is one gem of a guru!
The period of learning music out of obligations got over. Now, the period of learning music out of fear began!
I had bettered on the duration I dedicated to music. I had now started riyazing music for about 30 minutes a day. That was so much of an improvement from my side ;) I feared my guru. My classes were on Friday evenings. I “invented” new ailments every Friday evenings n complain it to my parents, in the hope that I would not be taken to my music class. I was so sure that I was going to be blasted for not riyazing what was taught to me in the previous class. There is a famed Kannada bhajan. It is called bhagyada lakshmi baramma. There is a phrase (shukravar da sanjeya velege…) where the poet says that ...goddess lakshmi visits her devotees’ homes particularly on Friday evenings… I remember my dad teasing me saying “all the ailments in the world visit my daughter only on Friday evenings just like goddess Lakshmi :P
I was once asked to attend a music workshop at Pune. I decided to attend as it would be a new experience and a different place to visit too. A friend of mine(or rather say, the-then-rival)hmmm lets call her 'A', was to attend the workshop too. That didn’t really bother me or excite me much. But, the fact that A was the only girl from Bangalore and the same she felt, made us both start a conversation amongst ourselves. Talks turned to giggles, giggles turned to laughter, followed by teasing, pulling legs what not! We really did enjoy our stay there. I slowly got to know about her. We were much of the same personality. We love doing same thing, hate similar stuff and I found my friend, a close friend for life. Then came the significant stage of my life, the renaissance stage of my life, when I watched people of my age (or a little older) perform at Pune. Listening to them perform gave me and A a sense of satisfaction. Well the feeling is inexplicable. I awe as to how music could bring in so much of contentment and happiness to me. Why does not it happen when I sing? What is it that I lack at? This was my transformational stage was as well as my realisation stage. I realised that all I am deficient in, is the love I show towards music, the soul that I do not put in my singing. It was just that 10 minute recital by a person at pune which changed me into a hard-core classical music lover which I am today!
The very next music class I attended after I returned from pune, I got a pat on my back by my guru for showing such a drastic progress in my singing. I could see the difference myself.
The period of learning music out of fear vanished.. period of learning music out of love and interest began :)
I sometimes still wonder what was so special about the performance which made us both undergo such a change in our lives. The answer is yet to be figured out!
After the renaissance, my life seems so much lighter, carefree, as if I can be self actualised someday with my music. Music has captivated every inch of me. I think while answering my journalism final exam paper as to why two ragas with the same aaroh and avroh sound so different. I wonder while brushing my teeth as to how beautiful raag shyam kalyan can be sung! And believe me, I also wonder by what name I should call my daughter (if I ever have one) Shree, Gavati or Durga. :P yeah! I know! Heights of craziness! But... that’s what music has done to me!
How can anything transform a person’s dream or the purpose of life itself to this extent? I had even thought of giving up my studies for music. Today, everyone recognises me for what I have achieved in music. I feel proud that I am so different from many others around me. Even now when I think about my past I feel that I have wasted so many years of my life not understanding my interest, not knowing what I am capable of doing. But at the same time I am certainly happy that I finally am aware of what I want in life and what I want of life. This is what music did to me and this is the little I know of the worth of music!
My folks were astonished to see me so deeply attracted to music. They asked me if I would like to learn music. The hyper-excited-little-me said yes that very moment. I was given formal training in classical music. It was then that I understood that I should used rubber bands for whatever purpose they are made for and not make strings out of those generating music and amuse my parents! Yes... Music was not my cup of tea!
I had no other option than to attend my music classes. There was no way out. I could not tell my parents I was not interested anymore. Classical music bored me. I slept while the classes were going on. Played with pen tops, the wires, the carpet and what not! I often dozed watching the favourite television program of all music lovers, the then highly popular TVS SA RE GA MA. I dozed at concerts. Nobody knew the truth. I hated music!
I was in my 4th grade when we had to shift to a new house. Worst part was that I had to change my school as well. And guess how my interview went! I had no written test or no grammar quiz or an interview to test my intelligence. Instead, I was asked to sing! Yeah, That’s right. I was asked to SING at the interview. Well, I got selected in it and got my admission done at the new school. I was recognised at school for singing or “singing girl” as one of my teachers called me!
I was asked to sing whenever and wherever. Wow man! I was the hot favourite at my school. Every student knew me. I got used to singing at school every alternate day for any occasion that took place. My schoolmates got used to hear me repeat the two songs (only two songs mind you ;)) and believe me whenever I went up the stage, I heard my friends sing the song along with me. I loved the recognition I got at school. I got to see many places like AIR, DOORDARSHAN etc. where I couldn’t have if I could not sing. At that age at least!
I could no longer doze off at concerts. I had grown up. To uphold my solemnity I held back my sleep. I pretended to be genuinely interested in listening to the artistes.
I remember my music mentor at school who used to ask me to stay back for the practise sessions. I always hated staying back after school hours especially for music practise. Only for the reason that I had not given a formal interview and had just sung, I had to stay back for those practise sessions, after school hours! Auuughhhh!
Hmmm… and that’s how my life passed. Singing all the way until I passed out of school.
I hated every subject at school, especially Math and Science. Or rather it was a teacher who made me hate it :P well, thats a different story.
As I completed my schooling, I had to choose a course for my pre university. It was my ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’ stage. I detested math and science and the best way to do away with it was plump for Arts. Music came to my rescue then. I told my parents that, as I am interested in music, it would not be helpful if I did opt for courses which require dedication, interest, hard work and things and thus would be taking up arts which in turn will help me go on with my idea of a career in music. I thought it would be difficult to persuade my ‘I-want-my-daughter-to-be-an-engineer’ mom. But it wasn’t difficult at all. Life was going great! Until I found out that taking up arts wasn’t really working out for me. This required as much interest and hard work as for any other course. By then I was being trained in music by my present guru. Austere, dedicated, enthusiastic, no compromise with riyaz all these give you a vague picture of my guru ;) So that concludes that I could no longer take music lightly. If I did, I had to face the calamitous consequences! But let me tell u, He is one gem of a guru!
The period of learning music out of obligations got over. Now, the period of learning music out of fear began!
I had bettered on the duration I dedicated to music. I had now started riyazing music for about 30 minutes a day. That was so much of an improvement from my side ;) I feared my guru. My classes were on Friday evenings. I “invented” new ailments every Friday evenings n complain it to my parents, in the hope that I would not be taken to my music class. I was so sure that I was going to be blasted for not riyazing what was taught to me in the previous class. There is a famed Kannada bhajan. It is called bhagyada lakshmi baramma. There is a phrase (shukravar da sanjeya velege…) where the poet says that ...goddess lakshmi visits her devotees’ homes particularly on Friday evenings… I remember my dad teasing me saying “all the ailments in the world visit my daughter only on Friday evenings just like goddess Lakshmi :P
I was once asked to attend a music workshop at Pune. I decided to attend as it would be a new experience and a different place to visit too. A friend of mine(or rather say, the-then-rival)hmmm lets call her 'A', was to attend the workshop too. That didn’t really bother me or excite me much. But, the fact that A was the only girl from Bangalore and the same she felt, made us both start a conversation amongst ourselves. Talks turned to giggles, giggles turned to laughter, followed by teasing, pulling legs what not! We really did enjoy our stay there. I slowly got to know about her. We were much of the same personality. We love doing same thing, hate similar stuff and I found my friend, a close friend for life. Then came the significant stage of my life, the renaissance stage of my life, when I watched people of my age (or a little older) perform at Pune. Listening to them perform gave me and A a sense of satisfaction. Well the feeling is inexplicable. I awe as to how music could bring in so much of contentment and happiness to me. Why does not it happen when I sing? What is it that I lack at? This was my transformational stage was as well as my realisation stage. I realised that all I am deficient in, is the love I show towards music, the soul that I do not put in my singing. It was just that 10 minute recital by a person at pune which changed me into a hard-core classical music lover which I am today!
The very next music class I attended after I returned from pune, I got a pat on my back by my guru for showing such a drastic progress in my singing. I could see the difference myself.
The period of learning music out of fear vanished.. period of learning music out of love and interest began :)
I sometimes still wonder what was so special about the performance which made us both undergo such a change in our lives. The answer is yet to be figured out!
After the renaissance, my life seems so much lighter, carefree, as if I can be self actualised someday with my music. Music has captivated every inch of me. I think while answering my journalism final exam paper as to why two ragas with the same aaroh and avroh sound so different. I wonder while brushing my teeth as to how beautiful raag shyam kalyan can be sung! And believe me, I also wonder by what name I should call my daughter (if I ever have one) Shree, Gavati or Durga. :P yeah! I know! Heights of craziness! But... that’s what music has done to me!
How can anything transform a person’s dream or the purpose of life itself to this extent? I had even thought of giving up my studies for music. Today, everyone recognises me for what I have achieved in music. I feel proud that I am so different from many others around me. Even now when I think about my past I feel that I have wasted so many years of my life not understanding my interest, not knowing what I am capable of doing. But at the same time I am certainly happy that I finally am aware of what I want in life and what I want of life. This is what music did to me and this is the little I know of the worth of music!
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