I remember my early days (as early as my 5th or 6th year) when I used to tie a rubber band to the handle of a dressing table stringing with a hair clip! I loved the sound it made. That was my favourite pass time when others of my age played with their Barbie dolls. I did it for fun or may be the genetic material of music in me made me feel good by doing this.
My folks were astonished to see me so deeply attracted to music. They asked me if I would like to learn music. The hyper-excited-little-me said yes that very moment. I was given formal training in classical music. It was then that I understood that I should used rubber bands for whatever purpose they are made for and not make strings out of those generating music and amuse my parents! Yes... Music was not my cup of tea!
I had no other option than to attend my music classes. There was no way out. I could not tell my parents I was not interested anymore. Classical music bored me. I slept while the classes were going on. Played with pen tops, the wires, the carpet and what not! I often dozed watching the favourite television program of all music lovers, the then highly popular TVS SA RE GA MA. I dozed at concerts. Nobody knew the truth. I hated music!
I was in my 4th grade when we had to shift to a new house. Worst part was that I had to change my school as well. And guess how my interview went! I had no written test or no grammar quiz or an interview to test my intelligence. Instead, I was asked to sing! Yeah, That’s right. I was asked to SING at the interview. Well, I got selected in it and got my admission done at the new school. I was recognised at school for singing or “singing girl” as one of my teachers called me!
I was asked to sing whenever and wherever. Wow man! I was the hot favourite at my school. Every student knew me. I got used to singing at school every alternate day for any occasion that took place. My schoolmates got used to hear me repeat the two songs (only two songs mind you ;)) and believe me whenever I went up the stage, I heard my friends sing the song along with me. I loved the recognition I got at school. I got to see many places like AIR, DOORDARSHAN etc. where I couldn’t have if I could not sing. At that age at least!
I could no longer doze off at concerts. I had grown up. To uphold my solemnity I held back my sleep. I pretended to be genuinely interested in listening to the artistes.
I remember my music mentor at school who used to ask me to stay back for the practise sessions. I always hated staying back after school hours especially for music practise. Only for the reason that I had not given a formal interview and had just sung, I had to stay back for those practise sessions, after school hours! Auuughhhh!
Hmmm… and that’s how my life passed. Singing all the way until I passed out of school.
I hated every subject at school, especially Math and Science. Or rather it was a teacher who made me hate it :P well, thats a different story.
As I completed my schooling, I had to choose a course for my pre university. It was my ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’ stage. I detested math and science and the best way to do away with it was plump for Arts. Music came to my rescue then. I told my parents that, as I am interested in music, it would not be helpful if I did opt for courses which require dedication, interest, hard work and things and thus would be taking up arts which in turn will help me go on with my idea of a career in music. I thought it would be difficult to persuade my ‘I-want-my-daughter-to-be-an-engineer’ mom. But it wasn’t difficult at all. Life was going great! Until I found out that taking up arts wasn’t really working out for me. This required as much interest and hard work as for any other course. By then I was being trained in music by my present guru. Austere, dedicated, enthusiastic, no compromise with riyaz all these give you a vague picture of my guru ;) So that concludes that I could no longer take music lightly. If I did, I had to face the calamitous consequences! But let me tell u, He is one gem of a guru!
The period of learning music out of obligations got over. Now, the period of learning music out of fear began!
I had bettered on the duration I dedicated to music. I had now started riyazing music for about 30 minutes a day. That was so much of an improvement from my side ;) I feared my guru. My classes were on Friday evenings. I “invented” new ailments every Friday evenings n complain it to my parents, in the hope that I would not be taken to my music class. I was so sure that I was going to be blasted for not riyazing what was taught to me in the previous class. There is a famed Kannada bhajan. It is called bhagyada lakshmi baramma. There is a phrase (shukravar da sanjeya velege…) where the poet says that ...goddess lakshmi visits her devotees’ homes particularly on Friday evenings… I remember my dad teasing me saying “all the ailments in the world visit my daughter only on Friday evenings just like goddess Lakshmi :P
I was once asked to attend a music workshop at Pune. I decided to attend as it would be a new experience and a different place to visit too. A friend of mine(or rather say, the-then-rival)hmmm lets call her 'A', was to attend the workshop too. That didn’t really bother me or excite me much. But, the fact that A was the only girl from Bangalore and the same she felt, made us both start a conversation amongst ourselves. Talks turned to giggles, giggles turned to laughter, followed by teasing, pulling legs what not! We really did enjoy our stay there. I slowly got to know about her. We were much of the same personality. We love doing same thing, hate similar stuff and I found my friend, a close friend for life. Then came the significant stage of my life, the renaissance stage of my life, when I watched people of my age (or a little older) perform at Pune. Listening to them perform gave me and A a sense of satisfaction. Well the feeling is inexplicable. I awe as to how music could bring in so much of contentment and happiness to me. Why does not it happen when I sing? What is it that I lack at? This was my transformational stage was as well as my realisation stage. I realised that all I am deficient in, is the love I show towards music, the soul that I do not put in my singing. It was just that 10 minute recital by a person at pune which changed me into a hard-core classical music lover which I am today!
The very next music class I attended after I returned from pune, I got a pat on my back by my guru for showing such a drastic progress in my singing. I could see the difference myself.
The period of learning music out of fear vanished.. period of learning music out of love and interest began :)
I sometimes still wonder what was so special about the performance which made us both undergo such a change in our lives. The answer is yet to be figured out!
After the renaissance, my life seems so much lighter, carefree, as if I can be self actualised someday with my music. Music has captivated every inch of me. I think while answering my journalism final exam paper as to why two ragas with the same aaroh and avroh sound so different. I wonder while brushing my teeth as to how beautiful raag shyam kalyan can be sung! And believe me, I also wonder by what name I should call my daughter (if I ever have one) Shree, Gavati or Durga. :P yeah! I know! Heights of craziness! But... that’s what music has done to me!
How can anything transform a person’s dream or the purpose of life itself to this extent? I had even thought of giving up my studies for music. Today, everyone recognises me for what I have achieved in music. I feel proud that I am so different from many others around me. Even now when I think about my past I feel that I have wasted so many years of my life not understanding my interest, not knowing what I am capable of doing. But at the same time I am certainly happy that I finally am aware of what I want in life and what I want of life. This is what music did to me and this is the little I know of the worth of music!
